Maybe this will be harder than I expected....

Today I had my first meltdown. Not my first meltdown in life, but my first peanut allergy mama meltdown. I have made the conscious decision not to make this diagnosis a life-changing event but today was a hard day. It was a hard day emotionally.

First I have to say that absolutely nobody was at fault for the predicament we were in, it was just a wake up call to me that my child's allergy isn't always going to be a go with the flow, easy breezy nothingness kind of deal. We were at a birthday party for a sweet little two year old friend, and there were peanut butter sandwiches, chicken salad sandwiches, and cupcakes.

(just because he is so cute at his swimming lesson-nothing to do with nuts)

Max is allergic to eggs, and multiple nuts so we avoid some baked goods, and obviously all peanut butter sandwiches. We also avoid food with eggs, unless they are cooked in. We have been to countless parties with peanut butter sandwiches (but less and less which is SO encouraging), and also parties with egg's because what adult doesn't grab for the delicious chicken salad while all the kiddos are munching on their pb&j's. I called the mama ahead of time to get the menu, but did it way too last minute and she wasn't able to respond. I decided to hope for the best and not pack him a lunch. Max slept in late before the party because we were out late the night before buying the gift (again last minute), so he pretty much slept through breakfast and showed up to the party HUNGRY!

(gotta love daddy dinners when Mom is gone-ha)

He was pulling on my leg asking for lunch the second me walked in, but it wasn't time to eat yet. Once we got the go ahead to eat, I walked into the kitchen and saw a sea of those deadly little triangles, and my heart sank. Obviously I kind of expected it, but soon realized he couldn't EAT anything there other than the fruit and veggies which were likely prepared with the same utensils as the sandwiches. So fighting back tears I loaded him up a little plate of watermelon and cucumbers (so fun) and we headed to eat by ourselves in the back room because nothing freaks me out more than a room full of toddlers chowing down on something that could literally kill my child. I felt like I let him down.

 (this boy loves his Greek Yogurt)

Again, it was nobody's fault. We are the different ones, but something in that moment made me so sad, and fearful about sending him out into the world. Yes his allergy allows him to be around peanut butter, yes he will probably be fine if he touches it, yes I am guilty of serving peanut butter at parties before I knew, or was informed about the seriousness of the allergy. The Lord has protected him, and I know he still will.

I wanted to blog and document this day, however, to remember one special friend who was SO SWEET AND THOUGHTFUL. My sweet friend Wendi saw Max and I quarantined in our little room. Tears pouring down my cheeks, and my sweet boy oblivious with watermelon in one hand, and a toy car in the other. She didn't even have to ask what was wrong, and sat down by me and said "I am so sorry, and don't want you to have to sit alone in here to eat" (I am tearing up now writing this, so Wendi know that this meant so much to me). She brought her little boy Jake in too, with his little plate of safe food, and the boys played together. Her son had his second birthday a few days ago, and she avoided peanut butter so my little guy could have fun, and his mama could breath. Nobody is ever expected to do this, but I now see how important these small gestures are. It really makes all the difference in the world for mamas of food allergy toddlers. Of course I will always take him places, but it's nice to get to relax. 

(sweet babies)

There are SO SO SO many peanut butter alternatives these days, which I am just learning about, so I assume most other mom's aren't in the know. If I could encourage just one person to make the small change, I know it would help me and other mom's in my shoes have a much better time taking their children out. Again I fault NOBODY, especially my sweet friend who threw the party today. I know this allergy thing is all "hyped up" and a lot of people don't understand. I know I didn't. I see it like this though. Would you take your child to a birthday party if you knew ahead of time there was poison ivy, or snake venom in the food that was being offered to the kids, laid on the couches, placed on the slide, or dropped in the kiddie pool? Probably not right? That's how I feel when I see peanut butter sandwiches running around and smeared around on all those little tiny fingers. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but if I could supply every person my child plays with a lifetime supply of Sunbutter I would in an instant.

I also don't want someone to read this and decide it is too much of a hassle to play with my child, invite us over, or have him over to their house without me. It has yet to become and issue at anyone's house, or at restaurants. We really never run into problems. I let him eat things manufactured in factories containing peanuts, I even allow some food with cross contamination risk, if my judgement says its safe. I'm really not that strict with it.

So the moral of this story is buy Sunbutter for birthday parties, and to pack in your kids lunches. It taste the same, and I promise your child will not notice. Cody didn't notice when I turned his favorite peanut butter cookies into Sunbutter cookies there other night, and he is a serious lover of peanut butter...or he was :) I really don't know why I had such a meltdown today. I typically keep it together just fine, but didn't today, and am so thankful for my friend Wendi!

Okay. Off to clean my house. It's amazing the damage such small people can do!